Because I am a public figure, I need to let you know how I am doing. It is very humiliating share this, especially when I have been very strong. I am not having so much temptation of the flesh from my body, but while fighting so hard against these for this last month, all this time has totally shot my nerves. So I am living with great anxiety most of the time. I am taking a sleeping pill to sleep and 50 mg of Sertraline everyday. I find no relief from medicine, but they say that it takes up to 2 weeks to feel anything and I have only taken it five times.
I have never used these medicines in my life. I never believed in them. But when you get desperate, you need to get temporary help. I had to stop the Xanax because it caused a terrible heat reaction in my body. It never helped that much either except I would sleep with it instead of a sleeping pill.
I think it is good for me to share my struggle so that you can pray for a sinner priest and we can support each other in our difficult times. There is much suffering in the world. I know I am so blessed to have a house, hundreds of friends praying for me, (including many priests and nuns) and money to pay my bills.
It is a very difficult time for my faith because I wonder why God is not healing me and helping me to do my work of which I love so much. I have done all my priestly duties, but will probably take a break. At times I feel I will pass out at the latin Mass. In spite of how I feel, I believe nonetheless. What do we have besides God, Mary, the saints and angels.
This experience makes me even more dedicated to helping people stay out of hell. This is horrible, but there are no flames, devils, continuous darkness, screams, worms, and remorse over and over again. I also want to have way greater compassion of everyone who is suffering. The people here at St. Catherine have been so loving an supportive to me. Thank you everyone for your love and prayers.
Let us pray for each as we struggle with out fallen nature in this vale of tears. May we love and support each other as we try to be faithful traditional Catholics.
The original author of this blog passed away in July of 2016. RIP Father Carota.