In a hostile world against men being holy men and women being holy women, we need to encourage each other to resist the cultural force to androgyny. God made men the way they are to complement women. God made women the way they are to compliment men. It has absolutely nothing to do with who is better than the other.
Men are created to become sons of God through baptism and the other sacraments. You women are created to become daughters of God through the same way. Your identity, before being man or woman, is to be children of God. What a great dignity. We became new creatures in Jesus Christ when we are baptized. Through traditional catholic understanding we can rise up to a noble way of life as men and women.
Men are to be the greatest valiant men possible. That means noble men treating women like ladies. Showing them respect; like opening the door, letting them go first, or seating them. It also means speaking politely to them.
Husbands are the King of their castle the home. Wives are the Queen of their castle. Husbands should even call them “My Queen” and treat them like they really are their queens. Wives should call husbands “My King” and treat him as he truly is her king. Words and actions are of so important in showing respect and love to each other.
Men are by nature more logical and do not as easily let emotions get in the way of making clear decisions. Therefore men are the head of the house. Women are more intuitive and emotional and they bring very important input into all the decisions. Men are the head of the home and women are the heart of the home. A home without a wife is cold. A home without a husband is anarchy. No animal has two heads or two hearts. There have been strange birth of this sort but they are known to be abnormal monsters. A happy family has a head and a heart that humbly work together for the good of the family.
Children thrive in a well balanced marriage where the man’s nature is respected and the woman’s nature is respected. Children want the strength of their fathers and the nurturing of their mothers. When a child falls and gets hurt it runs to the mother.
Communication is of such high importance before and during marriage. Way before marriage there needs to be open, sincere, and honest sharing about what you really do believe and want for your future. Only if there are mature traditional values and actions should there be any future marriage.
Find out honestly everything the other person believes in before getting emotionally attached or getting married. Do you both believe the same about the Holy Latin Mass? Do you have the same catholic morals? Do you believe in raising you children in a strict catholic way? Do you believe that men have their role and women their role? What are these roles? What about work? What about your families? Are you willing to have all the children God would like to give you? What about TV? What kind of music do think is appropriate? What kind of movies are permitted? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Do you want to home school your children or not? Are you good at saving money or do you like to spend a lot of money? Do you have a problem with alcohol, drugs, pornography or gambling?
When dating you should only do family dating. That is where you spend time at each others family’s homes. Ask the brothers, sisters, and parents how they act and believe when you are not around. Check out how clean their rooms are.
While dating I believe that there should be no physical contact. If you truly are in love, why can you not just enjoy being with each other. So many good people fall into relationships before marriage simply because they are by them selves and touching and kissing each other. Enjoy being with each other without physical stimulus. That is for marriage.
Most men want sex. Most women what to be loved and listened to. When there are relationships before the Holy Oath of Marriage to love and live together for life, men become sexually addicted to the women and the women get emotionally addicted to the men. A holy courtship is prayerful, free, loving and respectful.
One couple I married would have their friday night date praying before the Blessed Sacrament. Others had their first date attending the Holy Latin Mass.
Many traditional catholics are using single catholic dating sites. I know that some have ended up very happily married. But I a very cautious of virtual romance. Everything looks so good in pictures and written information. So I think it can be very dangerous.
Say that you are almost positive that God’s will for you is to get married and have a family. But you have not found a holy man or woman to court. What do you do? I believe if it is God’s will, He will eventually put the right person in your path. But why would God put a person in your life if you are not holy yet? Would God want you to hurt one of His special persons. So pray for a future spouse and at the same time work on holy virtues so that you can be that special spouse to one of God’s special friends. Always keep in mind that God may be calling you to be a priest or a nun. Ask; “what is God’s will for my life?” I may want marriage but God may want me to be happy in an other way.
As a priest who everyone confides in, I want to remind all of you how very hard marriage is. Do not disillusion yourself into believing once I am married I will go off with Prince Perfect and live in Happy Happy Land forever. That is only in the movies. Really movies are not real. Only by hard work, prayer, love, communications and grace does anyone live a fulfilling and happy marriage. If two selfish people get married the honey moon ends at the honey moon. I truly believe there are very few happy marriages because so much sin is taken into marriages and kept there.
When ever there are relationships before the Holy Oath of Marriage, the couple carry guilt and it destroys the holy love they once had. Even if you justify it by saying we will be getting married so there is nothing wrong with it, or everyone is doing it, or I love him, your God given conscience knows that it is wrong and you feel like you are both doing something wrong. This hidden or acknowledge guilt puts a bad cloud over your friendship and destroys it. That is why it is so important to be virgins when you get married.
As soon as dirty sex or birth control enter into a marriage, people begin to use each other. Men want pleasure with out children. Women get tired of relationships and says NO and the man gets angry because he wants pleasure. A wedge is pounded between the spouses and soon there begins terrible problems.
You get married because you want to find happiness, children and fulfillment. Only doing it the traditional holy way will you find lasting companionship. Do not believe romantic movies. Do not believe the devil or the world. Believe God. He loves you, created you and only wants you to be happy here in this world and in the world to come (heaven).
A very nice wedding invitation came to me from a very good friend of mine. On the invitation it said; “the purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven”. How beautiful.
The original author of this blog passed away in July of 2016. RIP Father Carota.