Our society and schools have taught us men to be feminine. If you act like a boy or a man, society will label you a Macho Man and you will be ostracized. So as we try to be catholic men, we need to be authentic men and not what is seen as a male chauvinist. The word macho just means male.
Real Men dying for Christo Rey.
Sad to say, many men have abused women with their male strength. We have been given strength to protect, not to hurt. We are to be the head of our family to lead and guide our family to heaven and not to misuse our authority. Physical and verbal abuse is an abomination. There is never an excuse for this kind of behavior, period. Much of the feminism has come from men who have abused their authority to hurt women and be dictators instead of loving them and protecting them.
All this now being said, shows that we need to be men who love, lead and serve. So what ever it is that will get in the way of doing this needs to be weeded out of our lives.
One terrible cause of problems in marriages and in the home is alcohol. Drinking too much. How many men are not good husbands or fathers because they have an alcohol problem. Many, when drinking can be verbally and physically abusive. No excuse. That is a crime in God’s eyes and in the state’s eyes.
There is nothing wrong with alcohol. The problem is in the person who drinks. Jesus’ first miracle was to turn water into wine. So many women and children beg their husbands or fathers to not drink, but he goes on because he has not admitted that he has a problem and because his friends invite him to do so. Many men have a false image of what it means to be a man. He thinks he has to drink beer to have a good time with his buddies. Again, there is nothing wrong with drinking in a very controlled manner. But if in anyway it becomes a problem or a matter of contention with your wife, give it up. Isn’t a happy marriage and family more important than a can of beer? Men, help each other to be very moderate in drinking and staying sober when there is a problem.
Drugs also can be a problem today, especially so called “recreational marijuana”. The devil’s lie is that it is natural and helps you to relax. You have a great deal of stress at work and with the family, so you justify smoking a little weed, drinking and being lazy. No, drugs and drunkenness messes with the soul.
When we are intoxicated, we loose control of our free will. That is what makes us different from animals. Animals can not decide to do good or evil. They go by instinct. We have a soul that allows us to decide to not sin and to do good. Even pain pills can be very dangerous today when they are given out so easily. Many times alcohol and drugs lead to sexual sins. Often substances are involved in adultery and sex abuse.
Leaders in the Cristero Movement Mexico
Let us be men who are willing to suffer through the struggles, the stress, the problems with God’s help and without the aid of some substance. That is what it means to be a man. God has given us the ability to suffer for something we believe in, like getting to heaven, working for our family and resisting temptation. We need to be there for each other in our difficult times. We need to talk to older men and learn from them how to be successful fathers and husbands.
Our mothers and wives are also good sources of prayer support and wisdom. Respect and listen to your wives. Even our children can help us see our weaknesses. But we need to grow up and mature into men of God.
One thing that causes men to stay immature and unable to grow into holy men is pornography. Any addiction stunts their spiritual growth. Today most men are looking at some sort of pornography. Then there is acting out on what is seen. This is not only very grave sin, but also makes perverts of normal men. We have enough sexual temptations on our own, we do not need to add to the fire of lust through pornography. Many demons are attached to these pictures. If you are a father and husband, you are bringing these demons into you home and family to be spiritually destroyed. You are to protect your family by fighting the devil, not to invite him into your home through these terrible actions. It also causes us men to objectify women instead of seeing them as daughters of God.
Real Man giving up his live for Christ the King in Toluca Mexico.
If you are addicted to substances or pornography, admit it and start talking to a priest or other trusted friends and family. There is a web site that does help: porn no more.com Prayer and honest confrontation will help you be free. We desperately need God’s graces through Mary to over come these addictions. A very very remorseful confession will begin the process of healing. Praying a Hail Mary every time you are tempted to look at pornography or drink can greatly help. I have a friend who gave up alcohol by praying a Hail Mary every time he was tempted. He told me he had to say over 800 Hail Marys the first day. Each day it got a little easier and he had to say a little fewer. But the temptation will always be there. All our lives we will pay for the sins of our youth. So stop now and pay less later. God will help us.
You may be thinking why I am not bringing up A.A. and N.A. I was involved in these programs for years at the St. Francis Catholic Kitchen and in my work with the poor in Mexico. But I have since discovered that it becomes a religion in of itself and keeps men dependent on the program for life instead of helping and then being free to live normal lives. I can write on this in more detail later on. But there are some very good parts in the programs like realizing we need God’s grace to overcome addictions, to admit we are addicted and sinners, and that we need other people’s help to overcome our addiction. They also get you involved in helping other people so that you are no longer living in your self pity pot.
Women deserve holy men. You should not even date until you have at least arrived at the lowest level of an addiction free life. Women want to fix their boyfriends and will try to help him stop drinking, drugging, and looking at pornography. Then after marriage the man goes back to the same old sins and the poor woman is stuck with an ugly unholy marriage. Women deserve prayerful, noble, free and honest men. God is ready to help us. You dads need to talk about all of this with yours sons so that they can be good priests, husbands and fathers. We traditional catholics strive to be the greatest men and women that we possibly can. We believe in chivalry. We believe in Nobility. We believe in being saints. We are so fortunate to be traditional catholics.
The original author of this blog passed away in July of 2016. RIP Father Carota.